What do you long to do?
When I was about 19 years old, I had a good friend; his name was Alec. Alec decided to hitchhike across America and then move to Mexico. I was so jealous of him. I longed for that life so hard that I cried about it. Everyone in my life, family and friends, told me that it’s not practical and I should let it go. I could feel that longing inside my heart to leave, and I didn’t care where I’d go.
Whenever I watch my favorite movie, Moonrise Kingdom by Wes Anderson, I am emotionally moved every time. It touches my heart in a way I don’t think anyone understands. It brings about a feeling inside me I can’t even begin to describe.
Last year, I went to Amsterdam for my birthday and I wish I could say I had the time of my life, but I was in the company of someone who wasn’t on the same page as me. I have a free spirit; I never worry, and I am good at going with the flow. Traveling with this friend of mine made me realize I own these qualities. It also made me realize that next time I travel, I’m doing it alone. Even though the trip was not everything I wanted, I experienced that feeling I get when I watch my favorite movie or think about hitchhiking across North America. It’s that feeling you get where you want to cry, but you don’t know if it’s because you’re happy or sad, you’re just so in the moment you want it to last forever. These are moments you can look back on, close your eyes, and remember it so well it’s like your reliving it. I long for this feeling. I long to feel this every minute of every day.
Have you ever had this feeling?
At the beginning of this year, I experienced this, once again. I was in Mexico. I was sitting outside gazing at the ocean and experienced such happiness, I felt at one with myself and everything around me. I felt so present, I didn’t want it to end. I remember asking myself “Why can’t I feel this all the time? Am I going to spend the rest of my life experiencing this feeling only once and while?” This question terrified me.
Why do I only feel this once a year on vacation or when I’m watching my favorite movie? The realist in all you are going to answer, “Because that’s life and you live in the real world – life isn’t a vacation.” I used to answer like this. Let me ask you a question then, “Why can’t my life be a permanent vacation? Who says it can’t be? Why do I have to settle down, get married, have kids and have a 9-5 job?” I don’t. It took me a long time to become aware of that, too.
A lot of times I get the answer, that summed up, is like this: “You have to work hard 355 days out of the year, you can chill for 10 of those days, only after you’ve worked over time to save up for those days. Sure, spend your money on items you don’t need and get sucked into the consumer life. Go through that drive thru because you’ve had a long day. Please, stress yourself out and spend lots of money on school for an education that won’t make you as much as a waitress does. Also, you need a 9-5 job because what about retirement? Don’t you know you need health insurance?”
These questions I’d ask myself and these answers people would give me made me realize two things:
1) I’ve been lied to my whole life.
2) People are stupid.
Right now, I love my job. I am a waitress and do personal training on the side with some incredible ladies. I work with some far-fetched people. I laugh with them, enjoy my time with them, and I get great ideas from being in this community. (I also make a shit ton of money). Some days I work two hours, some days I work eight. In my free time, I write, workout, cook, create recipes and make videos. I am now saving up to MOVE to Vietnam, which includes investing in my own retirement, savings and insuring myself. I have built a website, blog, and I am a freelance writer…I intend to carry these “businesses” with me when I leave to earn extra income while traveling…oh, and guess what? I’ll be doing what I love. I have built a following on social media to almost 15k followers, and it grows every day. I feel as if though I am not even working. In fact, I have never been happier with my life.
I have found balance in my life by listening to my intuition and heart, by no longer leaving my longings unattended. I don’t want the end of my life to come and for me to realize I have left them sitting there, waiting for someone else to attend to them. Someone will, be the way. Your friend, brother or even a stranger will see potential in something you’ve always seen, but never preyed on… and then you will have to watch them walk away with your longings. Ouch. Don’t miss out on opportunities because of fear or because someone says it’s not the norm. Be the change you want to see in this world, even if that change is minute and personal.
That feeling I talked about earlier, I feel it everyday now. This feeling gets stronger and stronger with the passing of time. Not again will I leave my longings unattended, and you shouldn’t either, because someone will walk away with them…be careful, it might be me.